While evolutionary psychology suggests that women pass on casual sex due to an inherent lack of sexual desire, Conley says there’s an entirely different reason. She posits that women say “thanks, but no thanks” for fear of being judged. She also says that women have serious reservations about whether a one-night stand would be enjoyable with a new partner. She tries to explain to men, “The reason women are turning you down for casual sex seems to be that, for one thing, a lot of you are calling them sluts afterward.” Also, “A lot of you aren’t bothering to try to be good in bed.” Preach.
I have mixed drinks about feelings.
Too many young women I think are harder on themselves than circumstances warrant. They are too often selling themselves short. They too often take criticism personally instead of seriously. You should take criticism seriously because you might learn something, but you can’t let it crush you. You have to be resilient enough to keep moving forward, whatever the personal setbacks and even insults that come your way might be. That takes a sense of humor about yourself and others. Believe me, this is hard-won advice I’m putting forth. It’s not like you wake up and understand this. It’s a process.
Everyone has preferences for which parts of their bodies are stimulated and what ways they are stimulated in. The amount of lubrication that’s just right for one guy is too slippery for another and kind of chafes a third. The pressure that means impending orgasm for one woman may lead another to wonder why you’re being so shy and a third to ask what her clitoris did to you and why you’re trying to bruise it. The only effective way I know of to figure out what feels good to another person is to communicate about it.